If you’re a woman that has grown up like me, the idea of finding true love has always been on your mind. Finding love as a woman in the San Francisco Bay Area has always been a little different than anywhere else in the country, whether in the beginning days of the city during the Gold Rush or in the modern day Tech Boom. Why? It’s because of the type of men that the area attracts and the habits said men develop once they settle into the Bay Area lifestyle. Women in the Bay Area may often find themselves disillusioned by the true nature of the men they date when they discover their partners lack desirable qualities.
Before talking about some of the problems that San Francisco Bay Area woman bump into with men, I’ll mention a few important qualities to consider when choosing a male life partner:
- He can and is willing to provide for you and your future/current kids.
- He will have a great personality.
- He will stick around for the long term.
Many, if not all, of these basic qualities line up with research from comedian, Aziz Ansari, who has done his own in depth research on relationships, and self-proclaimed evolutionary psychologist, Satoshi Kanazawa. Ansari, whose research mostly focuses on the social aspects of relationships, agrees that a life partner is someone who will make you laugh, offer emotional support, and be your best friend at the end of the day. Kanazawa, who focuses on more primitive values of a life partner, says that women look for a male with status, wealth, commitment, and the ability and willingness to provide for his wife and kids. Combine Ansari and Kanazawa’s ideas, and you get what I, and most women, believe to be a very ideal husband.
The Bay Area, from its historical Gold Rush roots to its modern Tech Boom, has always held a high density of some of the wealthiest men in the nation. In simpler terms, this means there is a higher likelihood of a woman in the Bay Area to date a man who is financially secure. In addition, the typical jobs for Bay Area men (from miners to techies) have flexible hours, giving men the opportunity to spend time with their wife and kids. Really, dating a man in the Bay Area sounds better than in other places.
However, I warn women in the Bay Area to be cautious about such seemingly amazing men. Here’s why:
Although Bay Area men do have the resources to be an ideal husbands, many actually lack important qualities.
Being Able to Provide
Let’s talk about the old days of the Gold Rush. Although miners made their fair share of cash during the Gold Rush, they certainly lacked some important life skills. In her book, They Saw the Elephant, JoAnn Levy describes life in the Gold Rush days. After miners made it big in the Gold Rush, they became absorbed in their new successful life. Gold Rush men would willingly spend money on services that most people considered normal, everyday household chores and errands. It was a well known fact that women could make their own fortune in California by doing laundry, cooking, cleaning, and providing housing for miners. Did these miners have any basic life skills?
Ok, now let’s talk about men in the Bay Area today. Unfortunately, most of them continue to hold the same problems that miners did back in the Gold Rush. Another article I’ve written clearly describes similar reasons why men in Silicon Valley have not been given the opportunity to develop the life skills necessary to provide for a wife and kids. Tech companies provide everything from food to laundry to even nap pods. As result, there is no need for men to be responsible for fully fending for themselves.
If men in the Bay Area have been and still are reliant on services to feed them, house them, and launder for them, can they really provide anything more than just lunch money for their future kids? Probably not.
A true connection may be able to fix all woes, right? Well…let’s reconsider. San Francisco men may not have always had the best personalities.
In Levy’s text, miners had tons of money to throw around doing whatever they pleased. They typically spend time at the saloon, exhibiting generally careless, teenager-like behavior. In one part of the book, a miner offers a woman five dollars (worth about one hundred fifty dollars today) for a fresh biscuit because he “had not tasted woman’s cooking in so long.” When the woman gave him the biscuit, the man tossed her a ten-dollar coin (worth about three hundred dollars today) instead, telling her to keep the change. Is a biscuit even worth ten dollars in modern day?
New Age techies have never been known for their killer personalities. In fact, many women who have dated techies frequently describe them as “socially awkward.” Most women credit techie awkwardness to their lack of human interaction. Because the nature of their job requires spending the majority of the day looking at a screen, it is no surprise that techies’ social skills diminish greatly.
Making the Relationship Long Term
Unfortunately, lack of promising personality from both miners and techies has contributed to the diminishing long term relationships in the Bay Area.
According to Levy, marriages during the Gold Rush saw incredibly high divorce rates. Levy says that most marriages ended because women were unsatisfied with their current husbands and thought they could do better. In fact, Levy talks about a woman named Martha Hitchcock who became especially “disgusted” with the habits of California men.
Dating techies seems follow a similar trend. Instead of high divorce rates, it seems to be a well known fact that techies struggle to get a date in the first place. Their inability to socialize has led to a lack of effective communication with women. Even if they can properly communicate, women find that techies with social skills end up being jerks, known as brogrammers. Brogrammers have a reputation for living a frat-like life style and usually do not want to commit.
Bay Area woman have been faced with an interesting problem. Men that seem to be qualified partners on the outside turn out to lack many essential qualities of an ideal husband on the inside. As many single Bay Area women have found out, the men here often seem to be unable to hold long term relationships due to personality flaws. Even if the men have good personalities, many of them have been pampered and thus lack the ability to take care of themselves, meaning you can probably forget about him taking care of you and your kids. The high density of men that lack such qualities have and continue to make the dating scene more and more difficult for women in the San Francisco Bay Area. Maybe it’s time to look past the promise of Bay Area men and realize looking elsewhere could be a more viable option.